love. May 13, 2008

I really like this picture of me. My eyes are smiling my mom would say. She always told me she  never liked pictures of me unless my eyes are smiling, then she knows that they’re genuine and real. Not the fake smiles. Those seem so easy to give to the world.

I realized something this weekend. I spent some time with some good friends up in St. Paul. Some friends hosted me and a few others at their amazing downtown apartment with a beautiful view. I felt cool there. I was also really excited because I got a new digital camera a few months ago and haven’t had a lot of reason to use it, so i finally was going to have a chance. I don’t often take a ton of pictures and I never knew why until now… If I’m the one taking the pictures all the time, when will i ever get my picture taken? Of the 50 photos I took this weekend, only like 8 were of me. I know, I know. that seems selfish, but I like to have my picture taken.

I’ve also been realizing a few things. I’ve been a Christian for quite awhile. I acknowledge the Lord as my Savior at a the young age of 5. I recommitted my life at the age of 12. Since then, I’ve strived to love God, to know Him, and to be known by Him. One thing I’ve always questioned though is the difference of my relationship with Him, than the story of someone who encountered God later in life. Or my story in comparison with someone who has a dark tainted past. I don’t know. I just felt that they were always so much better at understanding grace than me. In the last 6 years since I moved to Winona, God has been showing me and teaching me a lot of new things about grace and faith and truth. It’s been incredible but still i go back to this thought that I don’t quite grasp some of the most key ideas of faith in Jesus like someone else might. ( personally, I want to tell myself to stop comparing myself to others, how annoying).

One of the incredible blessings in my life right now, is this Bible study I am in at church. Its the Experiencing God study by Henry Blackaby. I love it. Its incredible to me how basic truths and concepts like these are speaking so deeply to my heart. God is at work in my life. In this study there a few things that have really hit me hard but one of them is the continual reminder that the love relationship with God cannot be avoided or neglected. This relationship affects my Spiritual walk directly. This seems like basic common sense, but this study is really making me evaluate how I see this relationship. I know that in the past a lot of my relationship with God has been out of duty, obligation, expectation. Sometimes things are like that but ultimately you do all of that stuff, out of LOVE. That love relationship is so important.  God pursues a continuing love relationship with me that is real and personal. I believe that in my head but too many times my life reflects some other belief. Our actions show our belief. I desperately want to act on my belief in my continuing love relationship with God. Sometimes though I act like that love relationship ended or got lost or was abandoned or not good enough- no way! Its a continuing love relationship that is REAL and PERSONAL. It’s continuing on.

God. loves. me.

Romans 8: 35-39 “Nothing can seperate me from the love of Christ.”

So what does a real and personal continuing love relationship look like? What does it take? What is needed to nurture that relationship so that it may flourish? What am I willing to give it? Where is my heart need molding and restoration? What truths am I desperately in need of knowing or reminding?